Getting tested together before you stop using condoms can be a calm, normal step in a new relationship. Many couples choose to both get checked at the point where they decide to switch to unprotected sex. It doesn't have to be a heavy or awkward conversation. It can actually be something you do together, out of care for each other. In this article you'll read how to bring it up, what you might both get tested for, and how to account for timing.
Let's say something reassuring right away. Getting tested says nothing about trust or about your past. It's an ordinary health choice that many people make.
Why test together before you stop using condoms?
A condom strongly lowers the risk of STIs. If you switch to unprotected sex, that protection falls away. Many STIs cause few or no symptoms, so someone can have an infection without knowing it. Getting checked together once can give you both more peace of mind before that step is taken.
The nice thing about testing together is that it doesn't put the burden on anyone alone.
For many couples this moment also marks something positive. It's a sign that you take the relationship seriously and want to care for each other well. Some people even experience it as a pleasant way to grow a little closer.
According to RIVM, STIs remain common in the Netherlands, and testing stays the way to get clarity, even without symptoms (RIVM). If you'd like to read more about testing without symptoms, see our article on an STI test without symptoms.
How do you start the conversation?
A good way is to bring it lightly and as a shared step, not as an accusation. You could say, for example, that you'd like to both get checked once before you stop using condoms. By talking about \"we\" rather than \"you\", the conversation tends to stay open and relaxed.
Pick a calm moment, not right before or during sex.
It can help to keep it short and to phrase it from your own side. Something like, \"I'd like to take good care of us both, shall we get tested together?\" often lands more easily than a long explanation. Most people feel relieved that it's named. Soa Aids Nederland offers tips on talking about testing with a partner (soaaids.nl).
If your partner reacts a little hesitantly, try to stay calm. That often has to do with awkwardness or a bit of embarrassment, not unwillingness. By explaining that it's for both of you and not a judgement about anyone's past, you usually take away much of the tension.
What do you both get checked for?
People often get checked for the STIs that are most common and cause few symptoms. Think of chlamydia, gonorrhoea, HIV and syphilis. Which test suits you can depend on your situation and earlier contacts. A broader panel may be handy if you want a complete picture in one go.
One thing that's often forgotten: if you've had oral or anal contact, it may be worth choosing a test that also covers the throat and anus, since a standard urine or blood test doesn't always pick up those sites.
It can also be nice to briefly discuss together beforehand what you want to get checked for. That way you both know what the test does and doesn't cover, and you avoid surprises afterwards.
If you both want a broad picture in one go, you could look at a full STD screen. If you're unsure which test fits your situation, read our guide on which STI test you need and when.
How long should you wait after your previous partner?
Timing involves the window period: the time after a possible risk contact when an infection isn't yet reliably detectable. If you test too early, a result can be negative while something is still going on. So it may be wise to factor in the window period since your last other partner when you plan.
The window period differs per STI.
For chlamydia and gonorrhoea a test is often reliable from around 2 weeks, while HIV may only be definitive after several weeks up to around 12 weeks. Thuisarts.nl explains how long you can wait after a risk moment before a test makes sense (thuisarts.nl). If you want this in detail, read how long after unprotected sex you can test for STIs.
How does it stay low-key and private?
Testing together can be very discreet. With a home test you order online, take your own sample, and your result sits in a secure environment only you can open. The kit usually arrives in neutral packaging. That way you decide who knows, and you can arrange it at your own pace.
If it still feels a little nerve-racking, doing it together at the same time can help.
You could, for example, take your samples at the same moment and wait for the result together. For some couples that makes it less loaded, because no one has to carry it alone. Whatever you choose may fit entirely with what feels comfortable for you.
If you want to know how reliable home testing is, read our article on reliable and anonymous home testing. Keep in mind that a home test isn't a replacement for a doctor when you have symptoms or worries, and that you can always consult your GP if in doubt.
Taking that step together
Getting tested together before you stop using condoms can be a normal, caring step that brings you closer. By talking about it calmly, looking at what you both get checked for, and accounting for the window period, you can move forward with more peace of mind together. It doesn't have to be a big moment, just something you arrange together.
Sources
- RIVM, STIs and testing: rivm.nl/soa
- Soa Aids Nederland, the STI test: soaaids.nl/nl/soa-test
- Thuisarts.nl, about STIs: thuisarts.nl/soa
Every blood test result includes a professional assessment from a BIG-registered doctor. For treatment decisions, discuss your results with your GP.
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